on the walk

My family recently visited Tennessee. Tennessee is still my home. I warned the boys that I might be grumpy for a few days after our return because leaving Tennessee always leaves me homesick. I am glad to be serving in Maryland, and have no doubts that it is the right place for this season of my ministry, but there is something easy and secure about life in Tennessee that is hard for me to quite express. Being homesick however always reminds me of my favorite experiential argument for the existence of God.

In general I am not a fan of so-called “proofs for God’s existence.” They certainly do important work by demonstrating that belief is rational and is certainly no less rational then disbelief, but they don’t do that one thing they claim to do which is to prove that God exists. Because I have a mathematical educational background, I usually want my proofs to prove something, and if they don’t then I think we should call them something else. Additionally I think that Christian faith rests not on the philosophical claim that God exists, but on the historical claim that Christ (who claimed to be God) rose from the dead. If we are going to debate something, let’s debate that.

Nevertheless, there is one of these non-proofs that so deeply resonates with my experience that I cannot lose sight of it, and on many days, it is an important part of my life of faith.  The non-proof begins with a common human experience, dissatisfaction.  This dissatisfaction is captured by the false proverb, “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” and the true companion, “The grass always appears greener on the other side of the fence.”  It is captured by the pondering which is stereotypical of middle age but can crop at any time, “There has to be more to life than this.”

In many people, and certainly in me this dissatisfaction grows to be a hunger.  This hunger for the “more” which life surely must offer, can lead to many places.  A search for a new job, or new home, or new friends or new life.  It lead one to return to old places where you once tasted “it.” It can lead to an adventure off to new places for surely “it” must lie out there.  Whatever it is, it is the place where life is fulfilled, where all my faculties have full purpose, and where there is joy, unmixed with selfishness or sin or pain.

Yet whatever we do or wherever we go, this total satisfaction of our being and purpose lies just beyond our reach like some half remembered melody.  And now the philosopher asks, “If all other hungers exist for the purpose of drawing us to the desired satisfaction, (Hunger draws us to eat and food exists to satisfy our hunger, Thirst draws us to water, etc.) then for what purpose does this common hunger exist?”  Might this be our hunger for God.  Augustine writes in his confessions, “Thou hast made us for thyself, and our hearts are restless until they rest in thee.”  Evolution can explain a lot about our behavior, but I don’t know how it can explain the fleeting satisfaction we can find in this world.  It is as if we were never intended to stay here.  It is like we are all only visiting and while we are here we all suffer from homesickness.

on the walk

-Ethan

Ps.  If you want to read my favorite discussion of this concept, check out C.S. Lewis’ fantastic essay/sermon The Weight of Glory.

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